Dateline: April 5, 2010 London, United Kingdom

(inaudible)
VP Longwood: “Welcome to Standards and Safety Mr. Hayward.”
CEO Hayward: “Thanks you Mr. Longwood. Which department will we be visiting first?”
VP Longwood: “This is our long term projections team finishing up their quarterly report.”
CEO Hayward: “Wonderful! What are they?”
Department Representative 1: “Well sir, we were just about to finish the report and then we decided to watch pornography (inaudible).”
CEO Hayward: “Pornography…? Oh…very well. Perhaps we should move on to another department.”

VP Longwood: “Excellent sir. Over here is our process department which refines efficiency and cost effectiveness.”
CEO Hayward: “Wonderful! Where are we at in the process?”
Department Representative 2: “We were expected to finish our conclusion this afternoon (inaudible) but, we decided to go ahead watch a little pornography” says the department representative.
CEO Hayward: “I see! Well…off you go.”

(inaudible)

“Longwood, I’m no prude or anything – I like the ones when they do that little doubly thing. But, let me ask you, at this moment, what percentage of this department is viewing pornography?”
VP Longwood: “About 65% sir.”
CEO Hayward: “65? Well what would it take to get that number down to say 45%? You know this global market is becoming increasingly competitive.”
VP Longwood: “45% sir? Oh I think that would be extremely difficult. You see these blokes usually hit the pubs for lunch and have a few pints. They come back to work with their heads wrapped around what they had hoped to have their hands wrapped around or at least have a hand wrapped around their other head.”
CEO Hayward: “I See.”

(inaudible)

VP Longwood: “And furthermore we wouldn’t want to  infringe on their ability to express their own individuality.”
CEO Hayward: “Well what is he looking at?”
VP Longwood: “Oh that’s Randall, he likes the really graphic stuff.”
CEO Hayward: “What does he do?”
VP Longwood: “He’s our graphic designer.”
CEO Hayward: “What about him?
VP Longwood: “That’s Mr. Abacus, he’s our accountant –sticks to the pretty standard stuff, missionary mostly.”
CEO Hayward: “So you’re saying that if I watch more pornography, maybe with some of that doubly stuff, that my productivity will increase as has this department
VP Longwood: “Yes!”
CEO Hayward: “Excellent! I’ll see what I can do about expanding bandwidth around here. Maybe we could get that number up to 75%.”
VP Longwood: “Wonderful sir! You know Halliburton sent their extensive collection to us in order to aid in our productivity.”
CEO Hayward: “May I see it.”
VP Longwood: “No it’s not formatted yet.”

(End)

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